Rescue Me!

OK, any one you out there with a misplaced Sir Knight (Black Knight from Monty Python also applicable) syndrome who wants to rescue a damsel in distress? No? OK, anyone out there wants a food writer? Or a food critic? Oh hell, or just wants to hire a home cook?


My needs are simple. Just give me a reasonable salary, an equipped kitchen (OK, poorly equipped but willing to invest in some basic equipment will do - am a resourceful woman as shown by turbo broiler experiment), a computer and I am willing to travel anywhere, anytime. Even immediately! Take me away from this please!


As long as I can write, cook and dance I am a happy camper. Am resisting the call of corporate serfdom where I write and concoct diabolical world domination plots, devise Machiavellian half lies and strategies to dupe the average Joe on the street and spend 18-hours, 7-days weeks being the Devil's handmaiden. Having spent way too many years being a crash shot corporate Mistress of Deception, it appears they will not release me to seek a kinder, less soul and body eviscerating purgatory. If there is a Christian or other cosmic sentinel entity belief bone in anyone's body, please rescue me from this fate.


I just want to reclaim back my soul. So seriously guys, this is a desperate cry for a job offer that allows me to write and cook so I do not become a suited crone of evil again. Will work for food ... anything involving food! OK, those of you with deviant, cybering fetishes involving food objects ... or any objects ... please ignore this post.


Please email serious proposal, food or soul-lifting gifts to Damsel in Distress. Applications open now.


Help Me! Rescue Me! Sob.