Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Hidden Truths In the Fog

It's strange how little gems of realisation and truths appear in the fogs of delirium and illness. As you gasp for breath and labour and cling to moments of clarity and pain-free validation of your existence, little nuggets of epiphany peer through the dense clouds of self-delusion.

In those moments, the words of a close confidante, trusted and respected, ring a clarion call through your consciousness. The kindly tyranny of actions, the sibilant insertions of true sentiments. Amids the words denoting friendship, care, concern and sympathy bleat the occasion slam of disdain. Words like loser or nobody emit as if from a distance, cast from the nets of third-partyism when it froths forth from a dark, hurtful place within their own consciousness.

It raises the awareness that friendship could be couched in a bitter refrain of complete disdain. The obvious desire to inflict a knife wound of hurt meted out with the regularity of imbalanced hormones or erratic emotions could be likened to the murder of innocence by insouciant drunkards who plead for clemency.

As the ruby ripened beads of life's blood bleed a sea of hurt across the bed of friendship, is it foolishness to disregard and constantly forgive as the slideshow of actions being louder than words push forward their case? Can the soul actually withstand the belittling and sloughing of hate-filled words before withering into dust, even beyond the caresses of physical sustenance? Are stick and stones truly less painful than than a blanket of thorny words carelessly thrown in fits of self-vindication or petty malice? Is it foolish to feel emotional shards of words as starkly as a gunshot through the heart?

As the lack of oxygen causes a numb euphoria, the only grasp of reality is the constant litany of those words that spark of hatred yet are cloaked in friendship.

Perhaps the saddest irony of life is a dim memory of warmth as the cold, metallic tang of strange fruit encircled by the siren song of being a nobody seeps the life out of every breath.


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