Sick in the Head
I'm ill. Caught in the rain. Caught a cold. And obviously caught a "wind" in the head.
I love that Chinese saying. That you have a head cold. Which also means you are nuttier than a squirrel preparing for winter. I always kind of wondered how this saying came about. Today I got my answer.
With my stuffed up head, I was in conversation with a girlfriend and somehow, in our mutual glee, concluded that it would be hilarious to sign up for one of those match-making online services. Except we'd throw in a spanner. We'd invent a female of such unprepossessing qualities that no one will find her attractive. We'd take the mikey out of the those women who claim to be supermodels! Yes, we are moronic.
It was in response to my friend's lament that she was attracting men who expected her to be a 20-something bimbo with long limbs, long hair and short memory and morals. The "I love walking in the beach in the moonlight in my tiny white crochet bikini cladding my 36-24-36 nubile figure, with my loved one protecting me by my side with flowers and poetry" lines apparently were de rigour.
So we set out a profile of a middle aged, fat, Indian (no offense to Indian ladies out there but apparently this was one big no no from my friend's "admirers") fortune telling lady with bad BO and breath. We wrote that her likes were walking along Boat Quay with soft cuddly toys on keychains and pretending to be mute so people would buy these off her. And she also liked drinking Kopipolitans, reading The National Enquirer and Hello magazines, watching Singapore Idol (Sylvester Sim is the bestest singer in the whole wide world! Sic) and thinks that Memoirs of a Geisha should have starred Aishwarya Rai and Shahrukh Khan.
Yes, we are two sad puppies. Such is the medical miracle of modern science that being on antibiotics, cough mixture, a decongestion pill and another unidentified peach-coloured pill, induced me to think that this is the funniest thing since we put UHU glue in a teacher's motocycle ignition. Or the time I convinced a colleague that she had to hold a cable upright so all the data would not spill out. Terribly immature and lame of me. I obviously need medical help. More drugs please!
But imagine my surprise when it all backfired! I got responses back!
What the hell is wrong with the men out there??? And I got responses from people who really believed the profile! We thought everyone would recognise that it was a big spoof. Amazing. I was in hysterics. Not a good idea. Trying to cackle while battling to breathe through a stuffed nose is a very bad move.
I have not heard from my friend yet as she has not read the emails but it should be funny. Sad. Depressing. Scary. But funny.
Oh hell, I hope this is a hallucination brought about by the arsenal of drugs I've consumed for this damn cold. Perhaps after a nap, these emails would go away.
Photo from http://www.homeopathyworks.com/shopimages/products/normal/Combination/81_congestedheadcold.jpg.
Please note I am not endorsing this drug - I just thought the label was funny. Yes, I am sick - that's my excuse and I am sticking to it!
Categories - Rambling Prose