Clueless Express

It really is not my week. Woke up feeling really ill and could barely move out of bed so I had to put up with the maid working aorund the house. For some reason, she seems to like to talk ... a lot ... Even though I was coughing up a lung and looking like something the cat dragged in, she just would not shut up ... until I actually collapsed. Dramatic huh? I suspect even then she yabbed on. Jaysus. Now I know how some men feel about their wives.

By the time I awoke, it was 4.30pm and I realised that I had not eaten since 6pm the previous day. Time for sustenance. Only one problem, I felt too damn ill to be standing for a long period. And no one was home. Bugger.

Luckily the computer is next to my bed. So I crawled over and tried to find what I can order in. My throat still hurt like I have been trying to swallow nettles so no pizzas, no burgers, no fried stuff .. which left me with ... nothing. Shite. I remembered this service called Cuisine Express that I used a couple of times long ago. Depending on the restaurant, the food could be a hit or miss but I remembered that it was bloody expensive. But I really did not have much choice. I was too sick to go out & grab food or to cook something and I did not know when anyone would be home to help get me some food. So I wept silently as I prepared to part with an arm & a leg in order not to starve.

Looking through the menu, I didn't see much in terms of soup or stews that I could stomach without hurting my throat or my stomach. And for some reason, I kept thinking of a nice hot bowl of miso soup ... so Japanese it was. Specifically Genki Sushi. Sushi Tei's menu looked really sad. Their menu had items like Combo 1 with no description of items, Party Set A with the description it was sushi ... and behind door number 3 is ... Not really knowing what they were actually selling, I decided to go with Genki who at least told you what they were serving like Amaebi, Hana Maki, Genki Maki etc. Man, Sushi Tei really needs to work on their marketing.

Ordering fairly quickly, I placed my order and within 10 minutes a girl called me back to confirm my order. She told me it would be delivered between 7-7.30pm. I could deal with that. So I waited. And at 7.05pm, they came! I was so impressed! That was excellent service, I thought.

Until I opened up the bags. My beef kimchi soup was packed just right. But the gyu yakiniku set was in a plastic bento carton that was not sealed properly and the delivery man must have been doing Fast & Furious moves on his wheelie as what I had left was a plastic bag of sauce and a dry beef set. To say it was disgusting is an understatement.

And my sushi & sashimi came with no wasabi. That is not only sacrilegious and unconstitutional but a real health hazard. I was also exasperated that the delivery man did not have change. Especially since I had told the lady that I only had big notes and to instruct the delivery guy to bring change. Suddenly I remembered the other reasons why I never used Cuisine Express - they were not only expensive but consistently got my order wrong, never brought change and I remember one delivery man who tried to give me back my change minus a tip he'd decided to give himself. Ahhhh ... not-so-sweet memories flood back.

I called Cuisine Express back and made my complaint. The girl was very polite and nice but totally ineffectual. She gave me no solutions at all and even tried to convince me that eating sushi & sashimi without wasabi was the way to go. I told her I had no intentions to head for Food Poisoning City. The gall. Finally, I got really annoyed, especially since the poor delivery was standing there clutching the change & looking distressed while us ladies were discussing whether the restaurant should be liable to either give me a replacement set or deduct the from the total amount payable. I could not believe I was having this conversation.

I finally thrust the bag of yakiniku sauce & wheelie-dried beef at the delivery man and told him to take it back and bring back the wasabi for the sushi & sashimi. I paid in full and told the Cuisine Express peon that I had paid in full, they bloody go sort themselves out, send my wayward wasabi to me post haste and either give me back my money for the gyu yakiniku or give me a replacement. I told them I would be working till late so they have that much time to continue to piss me off. And I shooed the man off before I collapsed a second time today.

So, it is now 7.30pm and still no news from Clueless Express. I am actually timing them now. I really am going to try to do some work and if I have finished it by the time they finally call me back, this article is going live on email blast and to the media. A sick and hungry woman is a pissed off woman. It would be my duty to respond to the Prime Minister's speech about service levels in Singapore during his National Day Speech. I hope he has his teh tarik cans ready.

By the way, why has TalkingCock.com not covered the National Day Speech by the Prime Minister yet? Come on, it's begging for it.


Clueless Express Update
I must be that scary when I am pissed. The beleagured delivery man arrived at the door at 7.50pm with a new gyu yakiniku set and more wasabi than a Singaporean NS boy trying to win a pissing contest. Again, I was impressed by their speed. Unfortunately, the delivery man scurried off in a blaze of relieved fear before I could tip him. Oh well. I will send an email to Clueless Express to commend them on doing their best to rectify their mistake but I will still point out their need to get it right the first time. I would never use them again unless I was truly desperate. Deja vu that.

Now to the food.

Beef Kimchi Soup - this was fairly tasty but I found the meat over-cooked. Well, for S$6.80, I suppose they used the cheapest cut possible and it showed. The addition of enoki and shiitake mushrooms made up for it a little and the kimchi was not too spicy or too bland. I rather enjoyed it despite the meat quality.

Sashimi - I had the salmon and kajiki toro. Was very tempted to have the amaebi but as I seem to be getting a bit of a rash from the medication, I regretfully passed on that. Sigh. The salmon was average but the kajiki toro was uneven in cuts which greatly compromised the quality and it was a little dried out so obviously it ain't that fresh. Shame, Genki Sushi.

Sushi - the california hoso was really soggy and I could tell it was made a while ago. It was incredibly bland and I thought it a bloody disgrace. I had two pieces and could not eat anymore for fear of barfing.

Lastly, the controversial gyu yakiniku set. Coming from a family of chefs, I peered carefully at the bento set to see if any .. additions ... had been made. It looked fairly innocuous but cynical me picked carefully at it anyway. The beef was incredibly salty and again, the cut is really bad. I was not impressed. The rice was good but really ... how badly can you feck up rice? Er .. actually I take that back as memories of a certain aunt's attempts to cook flood back.

I could not really eat much so I packed up almost half of the yakiniku set and the sushi to keep in the fridge, as well as a third of the beef kimchi soup. The only things I finished were the sashimi and the miso soup.

All in all, I think Genki Sushi and Clueless Express do not warrant another visit. Other than the beef kimchi soup, the food was either average or abysmal. Couple that with the poor service (even if they did make up for it later) the overall review is that it was not worth the money using them. I better get well soon as I am sick of being held hostage by crap food delivery services in Singapore. If someone is reading this, you do realise that there is a huge market gap here, right?


Categories - Rambling Prose